But we can’t talk about THAT!

Is the problem the problem, or is talking about the problem the problem?  Sometimes it is hard to tell when you live in a world where “talking about it” is always worse than dealing with the real problem we are facing.   And in the Christian community, where we all pretend to be something that we are not (you know you do that once in a while!!!), there are certain things that we just don’t talk about.  Like adultery – there, I said it, and I meant it.  It happens.  And I have come to realize that it happens more often that we would like to believe.  It happens in good “church” families, where mom and dad are leaders, teachers, preachers, and missionaries.  Oh, I guess I should have had my first clue when I first encountered a well-respected missionary who just happened to really like 17-year-old girls.  But I was young and naive, and of course assumed that I had done something to deserve such creepy behavior.  So, I didn’t talk.  And when you keep all that “junk” inside, it turns to poison.  But “good girls” don’t talk about that kind of thing, and admitting that someone who should be “safe” has violated your trust, is just too uncomfortable.  And so it continues. 

I have had conversations this past week with two Christian women who are mature enough to know better, in which they shared with me that they are either in the middle of or trying to escape from relationships with a married man.  A “Christian” married man, who is a leader in their church, and who is well-respected in their community.  Because nobody knows . . . . yet.  And these women are agonizing with guilt because they feel the burden of sin, and don’t know how to escape from the manipulation and deceit.  Manipulators and deceivers can always give “good” reasons why THIS situation is different, and why THIS relationship somehow is “right.”  The confusion is overwhelming for these women.  And why did they tell me?  I don’t know really, but I was honest with them and told them that I had only experienced the “other side” of this little drama.  So, I don’t know what it is like, truly, to be where they are.  The “Other Woman.”  All I know is how it feels to be the “Real Wife,” the one who is being used as a “front” for the evil that hides behind that glowing Christian facade of pretense.  And I helped with the deception. 

For now, I’m writing because I have a lot to say that could never be said in my “real life.”  And now that I am safe and secure in an honest relationship, the brokenness of the past many years can finally be faced with courage.  And I know that there are others out there who are hiding, too.  Perhaps we will find each other and we can discover a pathway to healing together.